It is done.

I will no longer blog.

*single tear falls down cheek of each of my million readers*

Yay! Now when I say the sport I do, people will actually have an idea what I'm talking about.

"Oh. You lift weights?"

"Yup. Powerlifting."

"Cool. Like in the Olympics?" *makes "clean and jerk" gesture with arms*

"Well, no. Powerlifting is like weightlifing but it's a different kind of movement."

"You just said that you do weightlifting."

"Well, I lift weights...but I don't do weightlifting...it's just a little diff--"

"Wha--I thout--"

*face-palm* "Nevermind. It's my fault..."

And so it was, which was why I switched to Olympic-style lifting, or, as most people know it, "weightlifting."

I started in at a--the only, in fact--fer real weightlifting gym in the area, that I know of, anyways. Weights are currently so light that I don't see much of a point in posting them. But you could say last Saturday was my first session. Currently working on a full back squat, full snatch squat, and requisite shoulder flexibility.

"Here, take this bar."

"OK."

"Now, start with a clean from the floor."

*cleans* "'Zat good?"

"Here, take this lighter, aluminum bar and try again."

*cleans* "OK?"

"Here, take this broomstick..."

GRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNS!

I'm a vegatarian zombie.

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OL 1

snatch bar for a bazillion reps, eventually went 10 sets of 2 for power snatch followed by three reps of overhead squat with 65 pounds.

power clean and push press 10x1x115. Cannot yet jerk properly due to back and should tightness. Last couple of sets were full squat cleans

front squat worked up to 5x115

one-arm overhead press, dumbbell 12x35, 8x35, left should much, much weaker than right

spread eagle straight leg sit-ups, 12, 12, 8--pushing feet into rack

stretching
side split 2x30-second contractions
weighted RDL stretch, same, 95 pounds
seated calf machine, same, 90 pounds

I need to focuse on shoulder stretching, ankle stretching and upper back foam rolling for the next 4 weeks intensely in order to eventually be able to jerk properly. Everything else is going well. REALLY tight from no traing + sitting 8 hours a day. That should work itself out in two more sessions tops.

Will stretch ankles before training from now on.

Oly style

I am going to start doing OL meets. Paul said it was probably a good move. Can't argue with that.

News Flash: Americans still free, even in Arizona

The man with the rifle declined to be identified but told The Arizona Republic that he was carrying the assault weapon because he could. "In Arizona, I still have some freedoms," he said.

Raaaaaight.

Shari Lewis opens up

"...and it's the song that never ends! It just goes on and o--"

"SHUT AAAP! SHUT! UP! GOOD GOD YOU'D THINK YOU FUZZY BASTARDS WOULD GET TIRED OF THIS CRAP AFTER FOURTEEN ROUNDS OF THIS NEVERENDING--GAH! I'M BARREN! WHY IS GOD PUNISHING ME??!?!"

"....."

Oh, China. Will your iron grip on your people ever loosen?

So, in World of Warcraft, there are lots of walking skeletons and blood and stuff. In China, not anymore. In addition to using certain game mechanics to limit play time to three hours per day, the Chinese government has replaced all bones, severed heads and the like with--wait for it--sacks of grain and empty boxes! And walking skeletons are now--wait for it--walking people.

Blood has been turned into some sort of brackish oil, undead characters played by actual people are now simply very pale-looking humans, and cops are still--STILL--beating up foreigners in Shanghai. Crazy.

All that censorship is making the Chinese gub'ment unimaginative. Or they were like that to begin with, which is why they are censoring video games.

Hu Jintao's probably a violent porn addict.

"Right there. Ok. Wait...don't move..."

From now on, if I ever want for attention, I will simply dunk on someone.

Dear Battlestar Glactica writers:

Stop trying to use the word "frak" as a futuristic replacement for the work "fuck." Fuck has been around for a long time because it's fine just the way it is. The censors will eventually figure that out.

You fail at seeing the point.

Dear Academic Department Guy,

Thank you for taking the time to read my email. I was looking at the information on your web site and would like to request an information packet in the mail.

Thank you for your help. Please see my address below.

Mad skills, Mr Clinton.

Dang, what'd that take, like two hours?

Rough.

Life is tough for Andrew J. Hall, who may or may not get his 100,000,000-dollar bonus this year.

How do we make it through the day sometimes?

I don't have "it."

I am now bored with the bodybuilding I was planning on keeping up for a year and am now thinking about OL. Or anything that could hold my interest for more than a few weeks.

I quit again.

Today's sick day brought to you by Angry British-Style Middle Finger Gnome Wizard. Accept no substitutes.

Bodybuilding 5

overhead press 5x10x75, these were quite hard for many sets of 10, so I stopped at 5 and will work them up to 10x10. Shoulder and back discomfort has me being a little more cautious. And yes, it's only 75 pounds.

barbell curl 10x10x45

Boooooring. My arms and yoke are getting noticeably bigger, though. I reckon I should stick with this--how you say--bodybuilding for at least a year to say I gave it a good shot. I can't imagine the disappointment of not being 220 after a year of pump n' flex training. But I am not getting there with the stuff I had been doing before. I guess I would be happy with a lean 205 at this point. I will still shoot for 220, though, as the extra fat will be easy to diet off, what with my metabolabolism.

We love guns. Just-just wanted to throw that out there.

Thank you for the input, NRA guys. Now if you don't mind, we need to get back to running the country.

Bodybuilding 4

powerly clean 5x95 from the hang, 4x5x140 off the floor

squat 7x10x155--this was going to be an easy 5-pound gain for 10x10, but my gym happened to close earlier than I'd thought. Maybe couldn't have read the stupid sign on the door when I went in.

Skipped calves due to gym closing.

Took PC grip out about 3 inches total and completely fixed my rack. Tight.

Bodybuilding 3

overhead press 10x75, 7x85, 2x5x95, 1x135 barely, 5x95, 7x90, 7x85 which should have been 10

Pressing didn't go that well. I was disappointed with the lack of top-end strength, too. I was expecting an easy, reassuring 135 for maybe a double. Not.

hook shot passing with a 11lb medicine ball, 2 sets of painful reps--maybe ten each side

barbell curl 54321x70-90--all of these sets were crazy hard, so I ditched the last two sets

rolling triceps extensions 4x10x35, missed last reps of forth set

Overall, no gas today. Didn't sleep well last night. Chugged a bunch of water yesterday because of the heat and ended up peeing until three in the morning.

Grama's house is anabolic.

I'll be danged if I don't already look bigger.

I will not weigh myself or take measurements. I will just look in the mirror and enjoy even the possible illusion of biggerization after only two, albeit, gutbusting, workout. 'Cept for that upper body workout that was really easy.

Thank you, Yahoo! News...

Ahmadinejad. Still a dick.

LOL this is pretty funny even if you don't play WoW

40 hardcore raiders take a break from dungeon diving to make 40, level 1 gnomes and go kill "Hogger," one of the game's most notorious low-level mini-bosses.

Generation gap

Sitting around the table, eating Thursdays scheduled KFC. George perks up: "Yeah, the last time your dad went to get us the chicken, he was really surprised because he ended up having to wait like 20 minutes because they'd run out of chicken."

"KFC ran outta chicken???" I slap the table a couple of times "Hahaaaaa. What a bunch of morons. That's like MacDonald's running out of Happy Meals."

I am the only one laughing. The old folks just sit there, either looking annoyed or ignoring me.

"....sooo, yeah, anyways...."

Awkward silence. Trying to think of something to say.

"Yeah, so, man, I was so hungry that I had to sneak a chicken leg about 30 minutes before dinner."

Everyone but me laughs hysterically for about 90 seconds.

Best...WoW name...ever...

Ashtongue Deathswarm.

Bodybuilding 2

powered cleaning 5x95, 5x115 (from hang), 5x135 (off the floor), 2x5x115 (again from the hang)

squat 10x10x150, 3 min rest

barbell calf raise 10x10x185, 1 min rest

Slated for another 10 sets of calves, seated, but this would have been a bit too much--I'm able to do this while on vacation, but I wouldn't have been able to be consistent within the context of working full time. I am going to train calves a little differently by working them on both weight training and "cardio" days.

That being said, I have slept really well and eaten a lot over the last couple of days and this workout was not all that difficult, despite a 15-pound PR for 10x10 and pretty decent power cleans at a heavier weight (for me). So that tells me that I wasn't taking care of my sleep or diet well enough while working. There's a fair amount of stress at the job. And I don't particularly care for it, so I'm bored all the time.

Thank you, Yahoo! News...

Al-Qaida's Second-In-Command has once again risen from the dead to talk trash. I think I know the secret to their powers of resurrection...

I ate the wrong thing.

On the way home from the Burbank airport, I notice my hands and feet starting to get really itchy. My feet have always been sort of itchy and sweaty (ew), but itchy hands was different. We get home and my calves and forearms were itching like crazy now. I figure I've had an allergic reaction to something I ate on the plane. It starts to get really annoying so I decide to go out for a run to get my mind off it and recover from sitting for so long on the plane.

Running seemed to just speed up the circulation of whatever airline food-induced poison was coarsing through my veins because as I ran back home, my body pretty much broke down and I itched intensely from the bottom of my feet to my neck and almost didn't make the last two blocks home.

I jumped in the shower, hoping that some cold water would help, but it seemed like it just made it worse. Grama knocked on the door "Are you ok?"

"Uhhh, no. I'm actually in a bit of pain."

"Can I come in?"

"Please do. I need some help." At this point, I'm having trouble walking, shaking from the itch and I'm practically unable to stop scratching myself. The scratching is starting to hurt so I've started to use a towel and I'm trying to rub the itch off, which didn't really help.

"OK, I'm coming in an--Hey! Cover yourself!"

"I can't walk."

A few minutes later, George is hauling ass in Grama's Oldsmobile to the ER and I'm wearing nothing but a pair of swimming trunks. We got to the ER entrance, which was being refurbished, so we had to take a "detour."

Let's make this as hard as possible, people.

I didn't think Grama was strong enough to carry me into the waiting area but she made a good stab at it until someone (who didn't even apparently work for the hospital) finally came out with a wheelchair. Then she fought with someone from the ER about who was going to wheel me in. Then I found myself sitting in front of the intake desk, sweating and wheezing and shaking and scratching myself uncontrollably.

"And what's wrong, sir?"

"I ITCH!!! I CAN'T STOP!"

"Please fill out this blah blah blah." The nurse who took me in walks up and interrupts. "He's probably having an allergic reaction. Can your grandmother fill out the paper work?"

"I think so. Let me take a crack at it first." I try to write and can't. Grama fills out the paperwork while they wheel me in ahead of someone else who got in just ahead of me, complaining of leg pain.

HAHA! In your face, complainer!

I get an IV and a bendryl drip and my own bed next to a malingerer. I was still semi-convulsing, but when they whipped out the IV needle, I still said my little joke that I like to say to people who are about to stick me with something.

"Oh my God, wait, wait!"

*gasp* "Are you ok?"

"Y-you got anything bigger?"

"What?"

Nurse working with the malinger starts to laugh out loud. "Well, you still got your sense of humor at least." The malingerer asks for demoral for his "migrain" again and both the nurses roll their eyes.

After 10 minutes of high-octain intravenus antihistamine, I was back to normal...and stoned! Two-fer!

My heartrate topped out at 170-something. Ugh.

I was lying in bed and still pretty high from the drugs and noticed that my nurse has something stuck to her face. She looked at me "Feeling better?" I just smiled and nodded with the left side of my sweaty face glued to the plastic pillow. "You have a speck of something on your left cheek." She immediately grabbed her left buttock. I wasn't really sure how to react. She started to accuse me of messing with her "No, your other cheek......I like it how I said that you had something stuck to your face and immediately grabbed your ass." I lol'ed.

The doctor came in after about two and a half hours. "Hi," he said, talking to me like a 6-year-old. "I'm doctor Blah. Sorry, I was doing a procedure and blah blah blah. How are you?"

"I'm fine. They gave me some drugs and I'm pretty much back to normal. Pretty drowsy, though."

"Well, yes, I prescribed those, actually. It's pretty straight-forward when you have an allergic reaction."

"..."

"So you think you're ready to go home?"

"Yeah, I reckon."

"OK well blah-biddy blah blah blah blah and take care."

Grama never left my side.

I came out to the waiting room in a hospital robe and my shorts. George is waiting. "Well! It doesn't get more exciting than that!"

"You're stoned, aren't you."

"Yup!" The people in the waiting room laugh a little bit. We went home at 1:00AM.

hills

In Cali now, so I don't have the same hill. I just ran around and then sprinted a few blocks up a long hill and then called it good. Then I had a severe allergic reaction to something I ate on the plane and went to the ER. Tight.

Bodybuilding 1

Well, here goes trying to get to 220@10% by this time next year...

overhead press 10x65, 7x75, 3x5x85, 7x80, 10x75

barbell curl 54321x65-85, 54321x70-90, 54321x75-95 but last set was a triple, which is an overall PR for me and curling. yay.

tried some one-arm barbell curls for fun. 2 reps with each arm with the bar.

rolling triceps extension 6x10x25

I feel weird: I worked pretty hard but I still have energy.

Goals are:

--15" arms, which are currently (R)14" and (L)13.5". I thought they were bigger. :(

--Add about an inch over all to calves, which are currently (R)14.5 and (L)14". Having 15" calves would be ideal, but I have no history of real hypertrophy training, so I can't really set a realistic goal yet.

--reduce waist from 37" to 35". I am measuring directly over the navel with a relaxed middle.

--I have not measured by bodyfat with a real set of calipers yet. I will probably just go to a gym and have it done. My current calipers have me at "normal," which means "just before people start to notice you're getting a pooch," which is fine with me.

--current weight: 190 empty. Goal is 220. Yes, that is a 30-pound gain.

--OL squat 10x10x185, 3 minute rest, no belt, well below parallel

--Overhead press 3x5x135 within pyramid

--some sort of improvement in my before and after pictures, of which I have two, which I am going to spare the Google Grid

turn off the water works...

I haven't eaten BBQ ribs for like 3 hours and I still haven't stopped sweating.

haha

Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's

Fav Emo elementary school songs

If You're Dead Inside and You Know It, Clap Your Hands.

Middle Finger, Middle Finger

I Know An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly and Choked to Death

Mary Had a Little Prescription Drug Problem

This Old Man (molested me when I was in 2nd grade)

El Nino...

Am I the only one who is a little offended by the cutsie names they give these storms that kill people and do bajillions of dollars worth of damage?

"Yeah, Fanny Fluff n' Stuff destroyed our home and took our only son."

Would you want to have to say that on the news? I wouldn't.

Give it a number, not a name. Think, people. Think.

Thank you, Yahoo! News...

Our opinion of tourists from various countries almost mirrors that of our foreign policy.

I have de-employed myself for today.

nataliedee.comlol

Thank you, Yahoo! News...

Actor Rupert Grint gets swine flu, lives. Doctors make bad pun about his recovery being "magical." Film at 11pm.

Hills

6. 1 more than last time.

training from like four days ago...

squat 5x160, 5x185, 5+2x210--this was a gut buster and I lost count. I'm assuming 7, which I'm happy with considering poor preparation throughout the day, mostly in the form of bad diet.

overhead press 5x5x60-80

barbell curl 54321x65-85. Curling more than I am overheading. Shamefull.

Skipped abs and rotators. I am still not sure whether or not rotator work is all that important, especially with the new-found miracle of foam rolling between sets. I may omit it entirely and do abs on the next day along with hill running. Haven't decided yet.

Awwwww nah he didi'h!!!!!

Priorities

Haha. (click)

Thank you, Yahoo! News...

People who insist on not eating meat are weaker in all kinds of ways. Completely unexpected.

This also justifies the two deepfried bacon cheese burgers I ate last night.

Thank you, Yahoo! News...

PARIS (AFP) – Astronomers on Wednesday said they had identified an intermediate class of black hole that could explain how supermassive, light-sucking monsters develop in the heart of galaxies.

Thanks for the heads up, guys.

"Hey, remember those giant space dragons that popped up a little while ago?"

"Yeah. Like three weeks ago?"

"Yeah. Turns out, they could be from a new kind of dangerous black hole right in the middle of our galaxy."

"Huh."

"Yeah, we should probably make a few phone calls and 'alert the media' or something..." *makes quote marks in air with fingers*

Dear American Capitalist Running Dogs:

Please stop advertising to me. I need to continue living my life and I don't have time for this.

Thank you.

Jonny

hills

Done ran some hills. 5 times.

Didn't sprint them this time, which made it easier to get to run 5. Then I went home and took a 1-hour nap.